I will do unspeakable favors for whoever cures the hangover.
I'm not even going to set the scene, because we all know how it goes. Hangovers suck, and I've never found a cure that's actually worked. Apparently there's a soup that helps, but I'm skeptical. I had a club sandwich at brunch a few weeks ago made with waffles, eggs, and fried chicken, and for about an hour I thought I was on the road to recovery, but then I got back into bed and sobbed for 18 hours.
Now an Australian research team, CSIRO, is getting our hopes up by claiming they've discovered that pear juice, before a night of pounding booze, can ALLEGEDLY curb a hangover. If you weren't aware, the Australians know how to drink, so if anyone were to come up with a legit cure, it might as well be them. That said, I don't believe this bs for a moment, but there's a pretty good chance I'll get to test the claim this weekend, so here goes:
HOW IT (SUPPOSEDLY) WORKS :
To paraphrase the report, the pears act on enzymes to speed up alcohol metabolism and elimination from your body. The toxin that is thought to be responsible for hangover symptoms is called acetaldehyde, and that's the one that pear juice seems to act the most on.
Simple version: There are little workers in your body that try to fight hangovers, and pear juice makes them work harder.
Please, little workers in my head, please work harder before I am dead.
It's important to note here that you have to drink the pear juice before heading out. And this is why nobody takes pregame advice from scientists.
MORE SCIENTIST ADVICE:
... "And remember, the very best way to not get a hangover is to not drink in the first place."
"...not drink in the first place."
"...not... drink... in the first... place..."
Why didn't I think of that?!? After all this time wondering how to cure my hangover, the answer has been there all along. Thanks for the hot tip, science lady!
Has anybody ever found a hangover cure that works? If you have, let me know in the comments and I'll put it to the test if it isn't something totally weird.